I finally did it. I talked about it for years. I fantasized about it. Threatened to do it. Put off doing it. I quit my job. A job I've been uncomfortable with, that gave me high blood pressure, aggravated my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, invaded my dreams, disrupted my sleep, overall just made me plain miserable.
It's been a surreal experience. Every Monday, I've been glad I didn't have to be there. Week by week, I've been able to let go a bit at a time. Every morning I've prayed to be able to do so. I've suffered what can only be called PTSD at the thought of walking back into that building, although I've done it once. I had to really psyche myself up to do it. But it's done.
Now what?
I've applied to grad school. I'm going to get my Master of Library and Information Science Degree. It'll take about two years of online coursework. Right now the thought of any kind of office job horrifies me, but I think a job in a library would allow a lot more interaction than my old job did.
Presently, I'm waiting tables and trying to get my house cleaned out and on the market. Where exactly we're going, we don't know. I'm scared. But I need to move forward. I've fallen into a lot of things in my life, just let things happen to me. I know I can't control everything, but I want to make better decisions in the future based on what I want and what I'm suited for and what will make my husband and me happiest.
Right now it's all about doing what needs to be done and then seeing what our options are and being patient and trusting in God when we've done all we can.
That's all it's ever been about.
